Friday, December 16, 2011

For My Mother


Living without the physical presence of my mother is so strange and so lonely. My mother’s will to live was so strong that against all odds she lived to be 90 years old. As a child I thought I was the luckiest kid in the world. I had the most magnificent mother. I was a very sensitive and very happy child. I owe so much of my happiness to my mother who recognized my sensitivity, nurtured it and cherished it. She always let me express my feelings and would lay on my bed for hours talking to me and guiding me making me feel that I was the most unique, extraordinary, special child in the world.


I am so thankful for the incredible love she gave to me and it is that love that sustained me through these last years with her, for the love was greater than any of the mental or physical challenges that she and I faced together. It is a beautiful circle of love that I felt and continued to feel that way about her all of her life. We liked to say that we were a mutual admiration society.


As my mother entered the fullness of her advanced years and her memory no longer served her, I felt honored and privileged to do for her the many kind and loving things she had always done for me. We spent hours and hours talking as I now laid on her bed and the circle of love just continued. I truly do not feel that words are adequate to describe her. Her loving light was so bright that it is still shining and I will feel it sustaining me for the rest of my life.


She adored every single one of us. She cherished every moment spent with us. She had a love of life and an incredible capacity for enjoying the smallest of things, making her every day life sweet and happy and making everyone around her feel that way too.


In her later years bit by bit her memory began to fade until she no longer remembered the family relationships, who went with who, or what their relationship was to her but she still could feel the love she felt for them and them for her and that is all that mattered. She once told me she could feel the love I had for her pouring out of me. She thankfully always remembered me and the incredible loving bond we had. I remember saying to her “You can forget anything and everything Mommy, it doesn’t matter, but don’t ever forget me.” And she didn’t. She was and is my sweetest and dearest inspiration.


Being a firsthand witness to her accelerating dementia was heartbreaking but also fascinating. As her memory left her she gained a wisdom that was profound and enlightening. She was I believe so close to Heaven that she was living in two worlds. She was operating on pure feeling, without any rules, without any filters. I found this to be quite a magnificent thing and I cherished the hours we spent together as she blessed me with her great pearls of wisdom. It was interesting to me to see how this stage in one’s life is perceived. If you only allow yourself to see what it appears the person in this state is presenting it is easy to treat them like a child. It is wise to take the time and take a deeper look for the treasure that lies within is priceless beyond measure.


It was amazing to me to see how people reacted to my mother as she unabashedly would tell them she loved them or that they were so beautiful. Doctors and nurses especially fell madly in love with her. We had a grand old time at all her appointments. Her new Dr. took her at first to be just another elderly patient. After a few visits however she won him over completely. His delight upon seeing her and their hilarious banter back and forth was priceless. I was always sorry that I did not have my video camera filming these exchanges.


My mother’s sense of humor always kept me in stitches. We laughed as much as we loved, which was the icing on the cake. And just about everything reminded her of a song and as we all know she remembered every song ever written. I always told her she was like a living musical, and I adored that about her too. She had an enormous capacity for love and this is what I miss the most. All of my life she showered this radiant love upon me and there is nothing in this world that can ever replace that.


How perfect it has been that I breathed my first breath with my beautiful mother and she breathed her last breath with me. I could feel her making her way home and I felt I was talking and guiding her to heaven. It was so beautiful. I am honored to have been her daughter. I am blessed forever by her incredible love. I thank God for all he has given. I know that my mother is now at peace and that the rejoicing in heaven upon her arrival was just spectacular. How lucky they are to have her and how wonderful and comforting that she is now home. As she gave us all a bit of heaven on earth through her shining light and love, I know that she is right where she belongs.


To all who surrounded her and cared for her and for me during all her years and especially in her final weeks and days I am forever grateful. I love each and every one of you and will carry you all in my hearts forever. My mother gave of herself in every possible way. What she gave to me can never be put into words, it remains in my heart forever. In many ways I am very much my mother but in her most extraordinary ways I can only try to emulate the magnificent example she was to me and to everyone.


I can only hope that a bit of my darling mother’s beautiful light is shining out through me.


I love you Mommy. Thank you, thank you, thank you.




Friday, October 21, 2011

For Our Beloved Animals

Witnessing that photo of the animals in Ohio breaks my heart. I can only hope that they gave their lives to shock our hearts into the remembrance that we are all one and that every life upon this planet is precious and irreplaceable.

Feel every animal upon the planet

connecting their hearts to one another and to you

feel the power in this gift magnificent

this oneness acknowledged, this memory of love

feel the energy of each and every species

from the mountains and valleys

from the desert and the sea

all merging together as each breath becomes one

as the breath of the lion becomes one with the dove

as they dance in the sea, as they soar up above

as they move upon the earth emanating love

they come ever forward sending their message

from every corner of this bountiful earth

breathe in the wisdom of the animal kingdom

see and feel one universal heart

the heart of the kingdom ascending in love

and the ascension shall be in the merging of hearts

and the kingdom shall bow and rise upon this truth

until every breath and heart unites

and the kingdoms of heaven and earth become one

Friday, December 31, 2010

Love and Letting Go



As 2010 draws to a close I am pondering all the many things that have taken place in my life this past year. There have been joys beyond imagination and challenges unexpected and overwhelming. Through it all there has been one constant, love. I have always been surrounded by extraordinary love. By that I mean the kind of love that makes you feel extraordinary. I was born into this kind of love. I married this kind of love and gave birth to this love and I have always known how special and unusual this love is.

I have flourished and grown in this love. I have been guided by this love, nurtured by this love and shown in a million different ways that I am not only deserving of this love but I am this love. It is who I was born to be. It is who we are all born to be. When you are loved it gives you the opportunity to receive love. When you receive love it gives you the opportunity to give love. Simple, isn't it? It should be simple.

But we live in a world where love has been lost. It has been lost in every conceivable way. It has been covered in fear, withheld in anger, smothered in lies, breaking our hearts. I don't mean to focus on such things on the dawn of the New Year but this is what is on my mind. It is on my mind because of what I have learned in this year of joy and the falling away.

In the spring I will celebrate my 40th wedding anniversary with the boy I met when I was seventeen. How absolutely fascinating that this is the year that we have awakened to remember the most basic and important thing there is. We are remembering it as if love itself is being reborn. We are remembering it from the hearts of two beings who have fallen in love all over again. Not that we have ever fallen out of love but this discovery is about not just knowing how important love is but living it, every living, breathing moment.

In all our years together we have been through all the ups and downs that make up a marriage as you navigate your way through life, death, illness, money, work and parenting. This year however, as it has been for so many, has been the year of letting go. Letting go of an image of how and where and what our lives would be. Letting go of the dream you have been sold. Letting go of an illusion that is crumbling before all our eyes. Letting go of what you thought you had. Letting go of what you think you need. Letting go of it all.

And in this incredible letting go, something magnificent and priceless has been found. The shedding of the old has breathed new life into our hearts and into our days. The breath we now take is fresh and new and filled with infinite possibilities. Fear and apprehension have been replaced by sweetness and appreciation, by joy and by grace. A day does not go by that we don't laugh with abandon. A moment is not lost that we do not honor and cherish.

And this is what I have learned in the year of letting go...that trying to let go is not the same... as truly letting go. I have been trying to let go for years. Trying to let go of all kinds of things and let me tell you a secret, I didn't think I had it in me to truly let go, not even of some of the not so big things. But here I am letting go and finding a freedom I have never quite known.

So the letting go takes me right back to love. For love is the foundation for letting go. And letting go is the doorway to freedom. And of course it is about love of self because we can never truly let go of anything until we love ourselves.

Have I let go of all I need to let go of? I have not. But I have found what it feels like to truly let go of some really seemingly big things and all I can say is ... I wonder what took me so long.

Wishing you love and the joy and freedom of letting go in this New Year and always.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Autumn Equinox Message From the Manatees



On the eve of the fall equinox they came, two huge magnificent beings of the sea. One raised just the top of her head slightly out of the water right next to me. It was shocking and frightening at first. I did not know what it could be. We backed slowly out of the water and tried to imagine what kind of creature could be swimming right next to me. Then we began to see two huge dark areas right next to us and something brushed against my leg. Now this was really quite frightening and unknown. We continued backing away. We were compelled however to try to see what it was we were encountering. Finally we realized there were two huge manatees doing everything they could to get our attention.

In a moment we went from fear to excitement and delight. We now called to them and invited them closer. One of them swam right up to us and raised her head out of the water. It was an incredible moment. She was beckoning us to engage with her and upon her invitation we spoke to her and gently touched her head.

This encounter went on for a very long time. It was a merging of worlds, a communion of beings. It was magic. The dolphins had been with us since we arrived for our swim and now the manatees had joined the magnificent procession. These gigantic gentle beings sent out their energy of welcome and love. We felt deeply honored and filled with joy.

They would swim a bit away and then surface with their heads together. They frolicked and raised their huge bodies and tails out of the water. We gasped with joy at each and every move they made. They were engaged in a beautiful dance of love and they allowed us to be a part of this incredible happening.

I felt that each and every part of this encounter was purposeful and knew they had come with a message. There was great meaning in all we were witnessing and they were determined to not only be seen but to be touched. I cannot begin to explain the feeling of this unexpected and unusual meeting and sharing. It was heart opening and brings tears to my eyes as I write this.

I have always felt at one with the sea. One of the reasons I love it so is the knowing that I am swimming with all the beloveds of the sea and sharing in all those energies of love and freedom and wisdom. As the sun set and the moon rose on the eve of the fall equinox, and the manatees continued their dance, the dolphins glided gracefully by and the birds filled the sky. With deepest gratitude and love I share the message the beautiful manatees have come to give.

Message From the Manatees

We come to you with a message of love. We come to you with a message of thanks. We were directed by the Council of The Sea to join with you at this incredibly important and significant time. We recognize and honor the two who come to the sea with such deep connection and love. We have seen and felt your light. We invited you to the dance. We presented the unexpected and the unknown. You backed away for fear of what may be presenting itself from the depths of the unknown. Fear rose to the surface but deep in your hearts you felt the pull, for love and expansion, communion and transcendence were calling you home.

You welcomed us. You stepped forward, out of fear and into the unknown. It was exhilarating and magical, for the power of an open heart shall always show the way out of fear and into the light. And conquering your fear shall lead you to an expansion of consciousness and communication with many more realms and beings of light. This shall continue to be part of your experience and transcendence.

A message of thanks goes out to your community for your waves of love and dedication to the sea. Your open hearts radiating healing light across the land and out into the sea, healing the waters with an alchemical dispersant of love.

Your radiant heart lights, penetrating the crystal sands and merging with the power of the sun and creating the ultraviolet light of transformation.

We feel you. We thank you. We love you.

Our hearts and worlds merge as one, as in unity we communicate through this open dialogue of loving intention.

You felt our anguish. You answered the call.

The Council of The Sea issued a proclamation that more and more shall these loving encounters take place. More and more shall we feel one another and remember one another.

The opening of The Universal Heart has been magnified by your own heart light, your transcendent crystal sands and the mighty power of the heart of the sun. For in unity we have come together, those of the land and those of the sea.

All forms of water beings, from the depths of the sea, from the springs and the lakes, from the rivers and streams call forth that balance be returned to the earth.

We come with this message of balance as the balance of the fall equinox is upon us.

We come with this message of unity and thanks as we wish to acknowledge all that is being done in the name or restoring balance to the earth.

As your healing thoughts and prayers and ceremonies have created the alchemy to heal and balance the waters, we wish to acknowledge that major shifts are occurring not only in the sea but everywhere.

May the healing waters and the beloveds of the sea nurture you as you have nurtured us through these unsettling days and may you know that what you do is transforming and transcending all.



Thursday, July 29, 2010

On Becoming A Grandmother

During these chaotic times, miracles abound, and through one of these most incredible miracles I have become a grandmother. My granddaughter Lila came to me from across the world. She came on the breath of a prayer. She came through the love we had for her from the moment we knew she was to be ours. She came through the faith in this knowing that no matter how long and difficult the journey, she would one day be home and fall into the arms of a family that loves her beyond all measure.


How can I describe this incredible experience? How can I explain a love that has expanded our hearts and our lives beyond anything we ever could have imagined? This blessing, this merging of hearts and lives is heaven sent and is in the truest sense the meaning of oneness. This babe, from a world far away, this magnificent child, has awakened this family to much that has been sleeping. For asleep in some ways we all are, until the universe provides us with an experience that takes us beyond anything we ever knew. It is precisely this kind of golden opportunity that awakens us to the true meaning of life.


This love has no name. This love has no color. This love has no place. This love is infinite in nature and is that which has created the universe. It is the Alpha and the Omega. It is beyond time and space. It is the origin of all, pure and natural and vibrating with a kind of joy that is found only in this unique and incredible kind of experience.


I am an open and loving being. I love with all my heart and soul, and yet I am amazed and thrilled by the power of my love for this child. I am humbled and awakened. I am filled with her embrace and anointed by her kiss. I am lifted by her laughter and reborn through her beautiful eyes.


Yes, this is a miracle. It is the miracle of love. It is the kind of love that unifies and magnifies. It is the kind of love that takes you beyond anything and everything you ever dreamed. This is the love that we have forgotten. This is the love that ends all separation. This is the love that if each and every person upon this planet could feel, it would end all war.


I am thankful to be lifted by this love, to be guided by this love, and to be one with this love. I wish that the remembrance of this love would enter each and every heart, for I know that only then, will the true meaning and feeling of oneness and peace ever return to earth.